Finding center

I think my 2016 resolution needs to be to stop with the FB stalking.  Delete all the links, the bookmarks and just not give  a fuck anymore.


Ex bf posted a shirtless pic of himself.  WTF?  Too old. Not hot enough.  And who works out in jeans?


Tattoo Exec is def friends with the gf again.  And it makes it easier to let it all go.  If he wants to be friends with that mess (or more than friends) and not someone like me then he is not someone I need in my life.


I had a date last night with a the Engineer Biz Exec.  48.  Bald.  5’11 (heh….I am not so convinced).  Owns a home (finally).

We had a good phone convo this week.  But he told be about all the of “beautiful” women he has been out with.  So he is surfacey.  Which is so not me.

We met after his xmas party and an ugly sweater party I was attending. He was sort of a dick.  Very brusque.  Talked about being a hardass at work too much.  Told me the same stories of how many eligible women were not on M@tch (very engineer like, data mining, stats, etc.)  Asked me multiple times what I was doing this weekend but did not want to make plans.  He had half a glass of wine which was lame.  I had a glass of sparkling.  So we were out for an hour.

He wants one of those gals who look amazing and get the rich husbands.  He wants a trophy wife.  Except he does not want to be used for his money.  He wants the smart trophy wife with a career.  A good career.  Snort.  Good luck with that.  I am sure they exist but I am not sure how many he will find.

Walked me to my car and was totally checking out my ass when I was opening the door. Whatever.

I did not look up his house or how much he paid or who his agent was.  Yay me.  No stalking!


Sigh….yeah, maybe it is time to delete it all.  The thing is none of it makes me feel better.  So fuck it.  Let it all go.  Let them all go.


I got nothing

The Rapper and I are done. Not even friends.  And I feel good about it.  He ended up in jail.

I have been on a few first dates but am ready to take a break from dating.

The cop is back.  I might bang him because he promises something I would like to explore.  I need to have the chat with him first.

Other than that I am boring.


In reading through the stuff with The Rapper I realize I call him my top 3 in chemistry.  So much has changed!

And I wanted to make a list.  To reminisce.  In no order….

1) Peter.  The guy from the bar at the SF restaurant I managed.  One date at a piano bar on the edge of the Castro. Fun, handsome, hot.  God, I wanted him.  Things got weird and I would get late night calls where he would say he wasn’t good enough.  I think he was in a relationship.

2) JHL – my employee.  I would have other managers tell me to stop flirting and I physically could not stop.  I was so drawn to him. The kiss was sweet and soft and sexy and if I was kissed that way today I would be his forever.

3) The Rapper.  See posts

4) The Hot Doctahh.  I could look up more, but much like the rapper we thought alike. Same love for random music.  I straddled him in a desk chair and we made out.

4) 4H – The Photog.  Most sensual night of my life.  I am not sure it was chemistry.  Or it was different.  He took me there vs. the hormones taking me there.

5) The Man.  Another hot ass day spent in bed not fucking.  My body wanted him and his big dick.  We had great sex a few times.

6) Shop Owner.  Making out up against the side of a building.  I loved is hands.

7)  The Robot/Solar Guy.  That was a fun drunken night at a dive bar and then in my car with his hands dipping into my bra to brush my nipples.

Yummy.  I need more of those nights.



1) Last night was all sorts of awesome and I am grateful that my new attitude is opening new and old doors.  Story below.

2) My house.  My sanctuary.  My place to be me and to recover after crazy nights.

3) My new haircut.  I am finding the products that make it look best and I love it.

I was supposed to spend last night with the Attorney.  But he missed his flight (I think he told me at 10.

Earlier I had gotten a text from a very young cop I dated briefly in November.  He knew some guy I had connected with on T!nder.  We went back and forth a bit and he told me to come meet them at a local watering hole.

The other cop (T!inder cop) was cute.  But when the bill came he balked at paying.  And the Very Young Cop told him to pay since VYC had gotten me to the bar to meet T!nder Cop.  It was awkward the amount of time he spent trying to NOT pay the bill.  And it turned me off big time.

T!inder cop leaves and the Very Young Cop and I are now alone and decide to go get a drink.  At the next bar he leans over and kisses me.  And after the third bar we go back to his house.  He is cocky.  But he is also very affectionate.  And a good kisser.  His hands are everywhere.  And he puts clean sheets on the bed and wants to hold me all night.

NOT what I expected.  I got almost no sleep last night.  But I love that I was open enough to not be put off by the cocky behavior (which pushed me away last year) and just roll with it.  I am actively looking for someone to have sex with.  I have options, and I think I only want one.  And I would like it to be either someone I am totally into or someone I know will be erotic but I know I will not fall for.  VYC falls into the will not fall for category.


Dating Whore- updated

Shop owner and I are on civil terms.  I texted him a few days later to have him join us for an event near his home, but he declined.  I am still convinced I can have him if I am near him.  He then texted me about 5 days later to check in.  Not sure what he is doing.  Debating asking him to come out with us Friday to see a band.

In reaction to being shunned by the man I was falling for, I have decided to go on a dating spree.  I am on eh@rm and m@tch and then joined t!nder. So, since then:


B-Tattoo exec – Spent Valentines day drinking with him.  Sadly a smoker.  And a little too short.  But our bdays are 3 days apart so we were super similar.  We are now fb friends.  UPDATE:  3/3/14 he texted for drinks again

N -Accent guy – Stupid tall.  Very unique career in gaming and the military.  Super interesting life, but not so fascinating that I really care.  First date was a fancy restaurant.  He asked very little about me.  Not a good kisser.   Pecks down the neck like barely touching that are faux passionate. Its fucking weird. 3 dates done and I need to break it off. UPDATE:  Pretty much done here

J – Coach – works at a college.  Very sweet.  We went to a concert on our first date.  Spontaneous drinks another night. He is out of town all week, but texts often.  Will see him again to check chemistry. UPDATE: 3/3/2014 Date this week

F – Attorney – Spontaneous drinks last night.  Local mexican spot.  Good convo.  Not sure I am into him.

S- Angst Boy – Have not gone out with yet – wine industry but works nights.  Super into him so far but mostly because he is out of a bad relationship and seems fragile.  He says he wants to get to know me so the ball is in his court for now. UPDATE:  3/3/14 radio silence

E – Self employed finance industry – have not gone out with him yet.  He ended up in the ER on the day we were to go out.  He has communicated a bit (but he is not a big texter) so we will see.

A – Solar guy – super interesting. Very evolved. Maybe nuts. Date on Sunday.  I like that he calls when texting gets to be too much. UPDATE:  3/2/2014 Awesome date.  His bday was today (3/3). 8 hours of drinking and then ended up making out in the car.  He says he sees ghosts.  For real.  But he is so fucking hot.


S-The pusher – he thought we had a lot in common.  A little too much trying to sell what we have in common.  Did not see him again.

S – Concert Guy – Have not gone out with yet.  Pursued me hard on email but has not planned anything (I was busy, then he was gone).  He texts, but not a ton.  He does initiate many of those texts.  He wants to move to SF.  Almost adult kids.  Blond which is not my thing.  But we will see. UPDATE:  Radio silence since last Thursday


J – Lawyer – keep playing phone tag.  I will reach out one more time

Z – Exec- I had written him off.  He is so fucking pretty.  But he called last night and we chatted for a good 30 minutes.  Plans for Tuesday.

That is about 10 men in 2 weeks?  Not bad.  Only made out with 2 of them (N and J).  What I am liking is these men are successful.  I am having some if the best conversations with other business owners and it excites my brain.

Non Dates:

N – Old Roomie – Back in my life.  Hanging on Saturday,

B  – Old Friend – Seeing him tonight to catch up.

Hand in glove

I met a new guy. I smiled at him in eh@rmony, thinking he was cute but way too young and he could just ignore me if he chose.

If you know how that system works, he skipped all the bullshizz and went straight for an email. Which I like but also freaks me out a bit because it misses some questions I actually like to have answered. But I rolled with it.

After an few emails he asked me out. I explained I like to have a phone convo first and he LOVED it. We talked for an hour and a half.

The date was set for last Thursday. I was super nervous meeting him. I went to his work (odd but it worked out) terrified he would think I am fat or ugly or not what he pictured.

It is awkward to start, as it always is.  He shows me around his shop, introduces me to an employee.

He has amazing bright green eyes.  He is thin, thinner than I thought.  And a super full goatee.  Bald head.  Sort of my “style”.  He resembles UB.  In looks only.  He owns his own company.  3 locations.  He might not be as driven as I am, but he gets it.  (And now, later, after more talk, I think he will compete a little for success, he knows how dedicated I am to work and I think he feels like he needs to keep up).  He is a doer.  

We have a few beers, swap bad dating stories.  At one point he gets up and leaves his phone so I text him that I am having a good time.  We head to another bar and he keeps bumping up against me on the street.  I know he likes me.

More fun in bar #2.  We end up making out in the bar. And on the street.  And at my car. And in my car.  And in front of his house.

And he leaves town the next day.  So the last 3 days have constituted a shit load of texts and one long phone convo. 

He gets me. He says amazing things that are just so mature (for someone 5 years younger than me).  I mean I understand there is no saying this is ANYTHING at all…..but he is invested and involved.

And I am terrified.  He could fit.  He might not.  But he could.

Just the tip

I was trying to pee before running out to a party when he called.  I quickly pulled up my underwear, leaving my pants at my ankles and lunged for the phone.  I had a split second to change my demeanor from frantic and stressed to cool and inviting.  

“Hello”, I said slowly.  The inflection was not a question.

He sputtered for a moment, I guess I sounded sexier than I anticipated or planned and took him by surprise.

We chit chatted when he recovered and made a plan to meet at a bar serving craft style cocktails at 6:30.

I went to a party and was overheating in our Indian Summer weather.

After a half a glass of wine and chit chat with a friend’s parents I hopped off to the bar.  I was a few moments early and sat outside finishing up a phone conversation with a girlfriend.

I did not see him when I went inside, so I texted him as I grabbed a bar table.  It was 6:29.

The bar was warm so I gulped water and tried to stop sweating.  I hate these meetings.  Every insecurity comes out.

I text a friend.  I peruse the menu…..time passes.  I am literally about to walk out the door at 6:46 when he walks in.  He apologizes briefly and we begin the “date”.

Martinis and fancy cucumber drinks.  The conversation is good.  He is trying to impress me with some things.  He seems like a good guy.  He wants to hangout Saturday.  He wants to show me the project he is working on.

The bill arrives as I head to the restroom.  When I come back, it is unpaid.  He goes to the restroom.  And of course I leave it unpaid.   He grabs it and says “How about I cover the drinks and you can grab the tip”.


I have dated a lot and I have never had anyone ask me that.  I have OFFERED but never on the first date.  You have said you want to see me again and you want me to throw in $10 to cover the tip. I almost offered to pay the whole fucking thing because I was so annoyed, but I let it slide.  

We walk out, heading the same direction towards our cars.  I go to hug him goodbye as he is obviously not interested in walking me to my car.  He goes in for the most awkward kiss ever.  I am way too sober and tell hi it is awkward, so he tries again.  I sort of half ass it as I have not processed the whole tip thing.

He says he will see me Saturday and leaves.  Leaves me in a dark parking lot to cross a bridge to my car.  Granted a safe enough area, and I am walking behind the mall to a parking garage, but it throws me.  Even my guy friends walk me to my car after we have breakfast or lunch.  So, WTF?

Those same guy friends talk me into giving him one more chance so I text him Saturday, fully prepared to give him one full hour of my time if he wants it.  

No response.

Ok, then.  Moving on.