Advice for my younger self

I am on a little jaunt of self discovery today.  Or….I am thinking about discovering some self. It feels good.  I feel ready for growth.

I am reading and popping around the internet and I see an author writing some advice to their younger self. And I wonder what would I tell me from the advanced age of almost 42?

Sex:  Have more of it.  Be more open.  Less worried about what it means (to you and about you).  Experiment.

Body:  Love it.  It is all you have.  It will never be perfect but it will be perfectly you and others will love it just as it is.

Love: Seek it out.  Be open.  Take what love is given to you and return it in the best way you can.

Go to college.  Use a condom.  Ask more questions.  Take your health seriously.  Find things you love and let them enrich your life.  Do not be afraid to trust.  Or be hurt.  It will happen anyway.  And it is not a reflection on you.

Perfect does not exist.  Stop striving for it.  Stop taking everything as a criticism.  It is an opinion.  Grow.  Learn.  Make more mistakes.

Believe.  That you are beautiful and worthy and lovable. In miracles and good things.

Let things go.  Not everything is meant to be forever and that is ok.  Wish it well and move on.  Continue on your own path.

And no matter what know you will be ok.  You are a survivor.  And you will always find a way.


Circling back

I am supposed to be reading this book about gratitude. But I am woefully behind.

The second step was to get a rock and every night before bed hold the rock and think about all the good things that happened that day and choose the best.

The first day I was to do this was 11/9. I reached out to the attorney and got a response back of “Hi, Love”.

11/10 the best thing was chatting briefly with the attorney who was at a doc’s office for something serious that turned out to be nothing.

11/11 was a date with the Paul Walker Look Alike.  He is high energy and smart and educated and interesting and affectionate. We ended up at a dive bar with a blues band jam and he kissed my back (low v shirt in the back) and rubbed my neck and played with my hair.  We made out in the parking lot.  And other than fiddling with my hips (could not figure out what he was doing) it was nice.  Very nice.  I got some text from him today and we are working on a second date.

I had 2 dates yesterday – the first was ok, but he was short and a restaurant manager.  It wasn’t a match.

And today 11/12  I think OK guy is coming for xmas for the only purpose of giving me the best sexual experience of my life

Then I get a text AND a call from the rapper.  The one who told me he was deleting me from his phone and would never talk to me again.  He is hitting a new low.  And I have no idea why he turns to me, but he does.  I listened.  I texted some ideas this morning that might help his situation.  And I got no response.  So I texted again telling him not to ignore me after all that “woe is me” (his mother and aunt killed themselves so I am aware of his weakness in this department).  He finally answered he had been at the therapist that morning.  I have no idea what to do with him.

Over the weekend I had a great convo with Solar Guy (The Robot).  He has a gf.  I was depressed.

I might fuck the young cop.

And my period came 10 days early for no reason.  Am I getting old?  Is it the soy protein shakes I am having 6 times a week?  Ugh.  Fuck.