Shooting stars

I had a party to attend and I asked the Tattoo exec to join me.

Quick background.

So what has happened since all that?  His mother passed away.  He dated someone and got them pregnant (which was somehow taken care of).  He contacted me.  Then I dreamed about him.  He wants drinks and I put him off for about a month until I need a date for a party.

On the way there I see a shooting star and I think “I want to have an amazing time/connection with TE”.

I saw a shooting star on my way to see you

Things are a little crunchy when I pick him up.  We do the party real quick and then head to a bar near the Lake.  We talk about his mom, his depression about it (delayed as he has been dealing with her estate),  blah blah blah.  He  talks about redheads and how independent they are.  Me mentions how his phone is blowing up with options to get laid.  He says one of his gals told him he is depressed because she offered sex and he turned it down. He said it would be too much drama (which now makes the night make more sense, so I will explain).

I drive him home and he goes to hug me and then things get a tiny bit awkward.  I am not totally sure if I pulled away or what but he stops and tells me “I was going to kiss you”.

My brain does a little WTF but I let him. And it is soft and sweet.

We go in to his immaculate apartment and sit on the couch and listen to old school rap.  We make out more.  It is not super passionate.  It is mildly erotic but mostly comforting I think.

He grabs a boob and runs his hand over my crotch a few time, but again, it is not super aggressive.

I finally go home.  He does not walk me to my car which you know is my pet peeve.

And I have felt weird about it since.  Super off.  I think I am figuring out why.

We had a great connection last year.  Like amazing and we talked all the time about everything.  And when I saw him, we talked about everything.  But after making out?  I have had 2 texts that equal 3 words.

My interpretation of what is going on?

He wants independent because he wants a fuck buddy with no maintenance required.

He has a redhead thing so potentially I am a notch in a belt.

It could be that he wanted to fuck me so bad last year and held back that he is trying now?

None of this makes me feel good.   It reminds me that I want to feel cared for.  Were there moments that night?  Sure. He made sure I got a drink and found a cool spot in a hot bar so I would not melt.  But now?  No, I feel like I have been forgotten or, well, not important enough to think about.

I do not want a fuck buddy.  At all.  I get too attached and it just depresses me.  I want a partner.  Someone who cares for all of me. Someone who is ok with not being independent all the time.

I need to stop allowing this to run through my head.  I can admit to being curious to know what it would feel like to be near him and now I know.  Did it potentially ruin what could be a good friendship?  Probably.  I do not think it was hot an heavy enough that he would want a repeat.  So, I need to let it go (does anyone else STILL sing the Frozen song with they say this?).

There were things said (pre-makeout) about dinner and then a trivia night.  But I am not hopeful that those will happen.  I need to let that go to – the hope.  Because as a girl there is always hope and we know it ruins us.


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