I started here because I thought it would breed connection.
A dynamic that could allow me to let down my guard. Let you see the real me. And hope that you could take care of her in some small way that I seem unable.
I had a glimpse of it with my first experience in this world. He asked the right questions, he listened, seemed to know when to press forward and when to let me have my way. He could read me in a way almost no one else has. I found myself saying things I did not realize were true until they were spoken. I could feel myself breaking open and it was terrifying and painful and exactly what I need.
He was not what I needed, unfortunately. And we parted friends and drifted away.
But it left me craving.
And here I am trying to recreate that. I am not patient. I spread my attention too thin and get too easily overwhelmed. I project this strength when in reality my head is spinning and I no longer remember what my souls needs.
Do I need a break? To redefine? Align my actions with my goals? Yes.
To remember to be happy being me. In my life. And not worry about what is missing or where I might find it.
It is time to let go.