One

There is something inherently sad to be having the best day of your career and no one to celebrate it with.

FFGD popped up again yesterday and I pretty much shut that shit down.  Keep your open relationships….I am not down with seeing pics of your cock in some ugly girls mouth. Enjoy it!  But I cannot be a part of it.

And the sad part is I miss the talking.  We chatted a lot.  There were aspects that appealed to me.  But overall it was going to make me feel worse about myself.

MrMBA scored major points yesterday by texting me as he dropped his kids off and asked to hang out.  Then 2 hours later cancelled – supposed kid stuff.  Asked if I was free tonight (Thurs).  I said I was.  Later, I texted him that I was selling like a madwoman and in the middle of negotiations and that it was good that he had cancelled. No response.

At all.

Finally at 6 today I texted “Haven’t heard from you since noon yesterday.  I assume you are still busy”.  And got some lame response.

I am so tired of being disappointed by men. Especially when my expectations are so low already.

So, here I sit in my underwear.   Alone.  Having done 2 months of work  (income wise) in one day.  And no one to call.  No one to celebrate it with.  Just me and a movie and quesadillas.

I do it to myself.  Because what I want does not exist.  There is no strong man who will be by my side in this life.   One who can tell me I did a good job. And comfort me when I feel “less than”.   They all want something different.  Someone different.  And it might be easier to handle.  But I am not ugly.  I am funny. And smart.  And charming.  And successful/driven enough.  But still not good enough.  Not good enough.

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