When they don’t have a nickname

Our first date was Sept 2014.  (More here – but not much) 6 months later we find each other on T!inder.  He chats on the app until I mention he should have my number and we know each other in real life so he is welcome to use it.

Wanna get a bottle of wine and make out?  He asks days later via text.  That date never happens but we do go out maybe a week or 2 later.

He met someone else around the same time as me and I guess that relationship took off.  She is an attorney (so way better job than mine) and has children.  Sadly she went jealous nut balls on him about a female friend he had.  54 message over night (text and calls).  I told him I might lose my shit but I think I get tired after 6 messages.

First date Take 2 (or second date in 6 months on Feb 25) is good.  I am not totally sure if he is into me or not.  I like talking to him.  I tell him I am reading The Ethical Slut which he has read and we talk about BDSM and open relationships, he being less interested than I am (but after a week of bruises from the FFGD I realize I do not need or want pain to be a part of every sexual experience and poly is definitely not my thing – more on that later) in pain or anything super kinky.

What I had been telling FFGD is that I crave intimacy and it is the one thing he cannot give me.  MBA wants intimacy, too.

Anyway, we go back to his house and make out on his couch and HOLY FUCK was it hot.

HOT.  Like I need a cold shower hot.  And he talks not long term….but he talks serious.  Like he makes references that tell me he is mentally fitting me into his life.

[Here is my hesitation with him. I get home and text him about needing a cold shower and the response does not come til the next day.  Communication is sporadic.  And since I know he already chose someone over me once, I am essentially waiting for it to happen again.  So the message and the actions are not adding up. Again.]

DATE 3 (March 6):  10 days go by and I finally hear from him again.  He says he has his kids but he wants to see me. I go over for a movie and we go hide in his room after the kids go to bed.

I bring a nice bottle of wine and he reaches over and take the glass and says “I need to kiss you now”.

He says something about thinking a lot about a statement I made about children to him on Date 2.  I was bad mouthing my best friends parenting.  So he is thinking about me.  I just wish he would cut me some slack for what comes out of my mouth.  At one point he says he will not say the “L” word for a long time but as he is wrapped around me he says he likes me a lot.  I found it a weird statement because it is our third date and no one needs to be thinking about when or how to use “love”.

Again with the hot, hot, hot making out.  And that intimacy we have both talked about, I see how it would work with him. He is sensual and slow and it would be that sex where you are both breathing each other in and truly connect to each other while you have no thoughts other than what you are feeling.  He is amazing.  I want to fuck him so badly.

But he is religious and I am taking my time. I am also not getting what I want (time) so I am not is a rush.  If he wants to go slow, then I will go slow on my own terms.

I do not bother texting him when I get home that night.  Why bother?  He does not ask me to and I see no reason after the last response. I do text the next day.  I need to stop texting him so much.

Him:  I really enjoyed last night

Me: Me too.  I sorta dig you.

Him: Dig is a good word for it. 🙂  I just realized I can for the first time I can see real abs

I guess he is a former skinny boy turned body builder.  He has mentioned it enough that I realize it is important to him but I cannot figure out why.

Anyway he sends me a pic of himself in his undies and woah.  He is hot.

He ends up getting sic and I do not really hear from him much over the next few weeks.  I reach out and do not always get a response until days later.  He says he was really ill.  I have no real idea, so as I said above, I can take it slow.

Yesterday I get a text:

Him:  Are you available Thurs?  (and then after I reply) Let’s do a nice dinner.  I can head down your way.  🙂

So date #4 is tomorrow.  I am home cleaning like a mad man so he can come pick me up if that is offered. I am even having my carpets cleaned. 😉


[The reference in the title is that when I like them they do not have a nickname when I talk about them to my friends.  He has no nickname.  Just his name.  I do not think I like him that much but I am aware that I am not referring to him with some snide name.]


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