Trudging along

All of my life my relationships have been intense, passionate and fast.  They come in, they tell me how amazing I am and they take over.

And then I meet the Attorney.  And he has a career he is good at and kids that need his attention and he does not need me around all the time.

And that freaks me out a little.  It is not my norm.

When I was dating the world it was no big deal. I wasn’t really tracking the time between texts or dates.  Or not that much.  I would notice and then move on.  I figured as long as I was still dating others he could take as long as he wanted.

But true to form, I fucked him and now I am attached.  Or more attached than I need to be.

Last time he was here, to fuck, because the last 4 times I have seen him we have fucked and only once was there something OTHER than fucking, he wanted to take me on a biz trip.  That was supposed to be Tues and Wed of this week (it is Wed now, so obv I did not go).  He tells me Friday he is taking the kids away.  I do not know where or for how long.  I do not think this is info I should have to pry out of him.

I had hoped it would mean the weekend and he would be back and we could go away and talk.  But I have not heard from him since Saturday morning.  And I do not feel like texting to beg to know where he is or what he is doing.

I feel like an affair. And that does not feel good.  I realize he says all the right things, but there are no actions behind it.

I feel used.  He is getting what he wants from the situation.  I am getting nothing.

I need to reevaluate and make some decisions.  I am not fucking him for this.  3 times a month for an hour is not a relationship, it is a fuck buddy.  And I did not sign on for fuck buddy.

I need to lose 10 lbs and get my ass back out there and date like a madwoman again.  Someone out there will give me what I want.

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