All of my life my relationships have been intense, passionate and fast. They come in, they tell me how amazing I am and they take over.
And then I meet the Attorney. And he has a career he is good at and kids that need his attention and he does not need me around all the time.
And that freaks me out a little. It is not my norm.
When I was dating the world it was no big deal. I wasn’t really tracking the time between texts or dates. Or not that much. I would notice and then move on. I figured as long as I was still dating others he could take as long as he wanted.
But true to form, I fucked him and now I am attached. Or more attached than I need to be.
Last time he was here, to fuck, because the last 4 times I have seen him we have fucked and only once was there something OTHER than fucking, he wanted to take me on a biz trip. That was supposed to be Tues and Wed of this week (it is Wed now, so obv I did not go). He tells me Friday he is taking the kids away. I do not know where or for how long. I do not think this is info I should have to pry out of him.
I had hoped it would mean the weekend and he would be back and we could go away and talk. But I have not heard from him since Saturday morning. And I do not feel like texting to beg to know where he is or what he is doing.
I feel like an affair. And that does not feel good. I realize he says all the right things, but there are no actions behind it.
I feel used. He is getting what he wants from the situation. I am getting nothing.
I need to reevaluate and make some decisions. I am not fucking him for this. 3 times a month for an hour is not a relationship, it is a fuck buddy. And I did not sign on for fuck buddy.
I need to lose 10 lbs and get my ass back out there and date like a madwoman again. Someone out there will give me what I want.