The end the end

He responded to my email. Which he didn’t need to. “Ok” would have been sufficient. And I responded to that begging him to let me go. Stop torturing me. Just tell me you won’t get past this.

And he calls. And I am still not sure what he wants but it isn’t me. I asked what he wants and he cannot really give me an answer. I don’t know why he cannot end this. If you don’t want me as I am then what do you expect me to do? I cannot change anything here. I sobbed. And I begged some more -let me go. And he finally got it. “I’ll let you go”.

7 hours of crying is hell on the skin just so you know. I have never fallen so hard so quick. I have never felt more beautiful and connected to someone. Fuck fuck fuck.

I can’t sop the tears. Knowing this whole thing is stupid. I want what I cannot have. And I might not find someone like him for a very long time. And I fucking hate myself for my part in this. I hate that I am not what he wants.

This is miserable.

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