Dates 3 and 4

Date 3 was the Super Bowl at my house.  It was my only day off in 2 weeks and my house was as clean as I can ever get it.  He brought tulips.  We watched a truly horrible game, ate a bit, drank some more.  We watched a movie and he spent the night.

Monday we got up and I got dressed to go to a meeting.  He told me I looked nice and over the course of the day we made plans to hang on Tuesday night.

Date 4.  I drove to his house.  We went for drinks at a bar in his town.  I told him how much I want to take him out in my town.  We decided to hit the dive bar down the street. And it was divey.  He referred to me as his girlfriend some how and we both cracked up as I called him on it.  I drank too much (no dinner) and we ended up at late taco truck.  Which was amazing.

Back at his place, we went to sleep all curled up together.  And this morning we woke before 7 and just cuddled for hours.  It was divine.  While I keep trying to push off sex, he is persistent (which I like) and it instigated “The Talk”.  The talk about that recurring issue that I disclose before sex.  The talk is halting as I have not had my adderral and I do not get the response I want (which would be along the lines of I have heard this before and I am cool with it).  He has not dealt with anything like this (and this is why older guys tend to be better than younger ones).  This makes me nervous and I sort of stop explaining because WTF is the point if he is going to bail on me.  He does tell me he thinks his father has it.  Or his step mom.  He is not sure.  My mouth starts to twitch and I am pretty sure I am going to cry, so I gather my stuff, get dressed, sweetly say goodbye and go.  The moment I am in the car I realize I left a charger – not a big deal, but I want this to be a clean break if that is what it needs to be.

I am weepy in the car but holding it together.  I think I expected this.  I just hate that I have essentially asked someone if I am worth taking a risk for.  And that is a shitty thing to do to a person after 4 dates.  But I also knew my whole “I want to wait to bang” speech was not believable.  BECAUSE I WANT TO BANG!!

I get about 20 minutes down the road and he texts me saying “That must have been hard.  Are you OK?”

I get home 30 minutes later before I can respond.  My response is polite and strong.  I just do not have it in me to beg for this.

He responds that “You are a good person and have morals” and that he has “some thinking to do”.  But I should have a good day and not think about this.  Snort.  Oh, ok, thanks.

Me:  I am an open book.  I am not embarrassed by this and I am happy to answer any questions that come up.  And you do not owe me any type of answer.

Still letting him off the hook.  I am too nice.

3 hours later he starts with a question.  I answer in full.  He tells me I am “noble”.  And that he is “beginning to find out who [I] am.”

I argue I am not noble.  Just do not want to start something with deceit.

And then he gets the card I sent him on Monday.  Awkward.  Had I known we would be here, I would not have sent the card.

We go back and forth a bit and he tells me “just throwing it away seems silly” and that he would like to talk later.

It is 6:16 and I have not heard from him yet.  I still have no idea what might happen. It could be bad.

Edited to add:  It is 9 pm and he is already in bed.  I am tired too.  But I am thinking this does not bode well for things working out.  I am going to step away and let him miss me for awhile.  I will answer any questions he wants to call me with  but I think I need to lay off the chit chat.

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