Clarity

I went to my therapist today.  The Man and I were supposed to go together, but he decided he would head out of town early instead.  Um, yeah.  I was beyond pissed, but I think it really shows that all of his talk about change and growth is bull shit.

I am really tired from an emotional week, so I will go this quickly to remind myself later.

I told her that he had moved here until he found a place, the dog ruining the screens and the fence and that my pets were locked in a room, and with all that he kept telling me I was not doing enough.

She said that was manipulative, which is a word I have used a few times in the last weeks.  She said I was living with a lot of change and taking on a lot and when he wouldn’t listen, I just hit the wall.

We talked about my father and how I am not the daughter he wanted.  He wanted meek and mild and sweet.  And I am brash and talk like a sailor.

She asked me what will I do if my parents never give me what I want from them.  I have to find it elsewhere.  I need to grow up and away from them (emotionally).

She told me I need to learn Non Violent Communication (which is not to say I am violent, just unable to speak a want or need very well).

She said I need to find a man than makes me uncomfortable.  If I am comfortable, I am repeating everything I shouldn’t (people with alcohol issues, people who suck me dry).

And I need to listen to this.

And “I am no longer having my needs met in this relationship” needs to be my mantra.

 

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