I have clarity. Meeting with my therapist brought my confidence back.
ADD means my memory sucks at times. Especially when things are heated. Emotions take over and while my gut reaction is rarely wrong the words and tone that come out can be harmful.
I did not contact him Friday night. It was his birthday. I had asked in the morning if he wanted me to take him to dinner and all I got was snotty remarks back. He knew when my appointment was, I figured he could contact me if he had questions about it.
Saturday: The client that introduced us was finally having a housewarming. The plan had been for The Man and I to show up briefly before heading to Sac for a baseball game, play and a night in a nice hotel (complete with hundreds of dollars of lingerie I got to appease him). All plans scrapped. I sent the tickets to a cousin recently out of the military, canceled the hotel and sucked it up about all the lingerie no one would see.
Instead, I went to the party alone. I briefly said we were not together. I brought his computer power cord in a nice bag with his name on it as he had told me he would still go to the party. I ran into another one of his friends a little later at the party and just said I did not think it was my place to tell them any of the details. They could talk to him. But there are no hard feelings and we are totally cool with each other.
When I left I texted him about the cord. Then starts almost 2 hours of texts where I am calm and he is throwing jabs and barbs and acting the petulant child. Again. He crabbed about the fact that I did not contact him, that I do not care, that I will not make plans without talking to my friends first, etc, etc, etc.
The truth? I was not taking time when he was acting like that. I told him multiple times he could stop with the name calling and we could talk. Yet, he wouldn’t. And it occurs to me he was trying to get the upper hand again. Only I was not biting. I am not changing plans, I am not consenting to meeting you, I am not putting a time in my calendar until you stop behaving like this because it does not help at all.
I left for the night and got 3 more emails (my phone decided to stop texting him)- 1 about 5 minutes after I told him I would be leaving my house, an hour later and then at 3 am. Sigh.
Last night I dreamt about him. Only he looked like Channing Tatum. He had already met someone new and was moving in with her after 3 days. I was pissed. She was a realtor, dressed better than me, AND HE WAS DRESSED UP. The guy who told me he would not dress up for me to take him out on his bday was dressed up. She might have been been pregnant already in the dream.
So, I am going to assume that is my brain telling me he moves too fast and he will likely make changes for the next gal. But it will not be me.
Because I have a bad memory I want to note some other things here:
His drinking – he does it daily. He often finishes last nights drink in the morning (hello red flag!).
Last night he tried to make me feel bad for not caring as much as he does, needing my friends to make my decisions for me, putting my friends before him,.
He has been snotty to every text and email since Wed morning. I calmed down mid day Wed and he has not. He wants me to say I want him. He is scared (in my opinion) to hear what I really have to say.
When I asked him what my top complaint was he said it was that he does not do what I want him to do. I responded with “alcohol” and did he still want to know what was said. And he responded that he did not care about the opinion of someone who does not know him. So…yeah….
Late this afternoon I get a text from “Kevin” and he and The Man are at the bar down the street “getting bombed” and maybe I should come down and join them. What the ever loving fuck??!! I have been telling you I think you have an alcohol problem all day and you give my number to a friend so he can tell me you are drinking 2 blocks from me? Speechless. Just fucking speechless.